Get Laid,
Not Divorced.
Big-occasion gifts, flowers when you f**k up, and thoughtful touches in between — handled for you, coming “from you.”
You're covered.
Three ways we'll please your wife, while you take the credit.
Included in all plans, no extra costs.
Gifts on big days
Birthday, anniversary, Valentine's, the holidays, and more — a gift for each one, based on her tastes, delivered on time. Table stakes and we do them right because, let's face it, you probably won't.
Fix The F**k Ups
Did something stupid? We got you, brother. File a claim in seconds and we send apology flowers fast. Crisis averted (and hopefully some makeup action).
Surprise Drops
Ask any woman: it's not the size that matters (of the gift) — the unplanned little stuff hits hardest. Her favorite tea, a new serum (whatever that is), the stuff you'd never notice. These are the difference makers.
How it works
Pick your plan
Choose from three tiers based on how much you love your wife (no judgement). The monthly cost covers everything, so you can set it, forget it, and take the credit.
Tell us about her
A few photos and questions so the gifts are tailored to her. This is where you feel good about yourself for putting in some effort (low bar).
We handle everything
We pick the gifts, handle every detail, and deliver on time — the big occasions, surprise drops, and apology flowers, all year, all from “you.”
You take the credit
The gifts show up; you hand them to her and take the credit. Yeah, we know it's the greatest thing ever invented. Pat yourself on the back, you earned it.
Plans
One monthly price. Every gift, surprise, and apology included. Significantly cheaper than a divorce. Cancel anytime.
Stay Off the Couch
- 4 occasion gifts/yr — birthday, anniversary, Valentine's, the holidays
- 5 surprise drops
- As many f**k up claims as you need
Really reaching for the sky, huh? It's better than nothing — you'll get credit for the bare minimum. Congrats.
The Math
Physical therapy to fix your couch-back: ~$125/session.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
- 5 occasion gifts/yr — the big 4 + 1 you choose
- 6 surprise drops
- As many f**k up claims as you need
- Upgraded gifts
Now you're getting serious. Raising the bar — she'll probably give you a raise as well.
The Math
Couples therapy: $250/week — that's $1,000/month.
Wife for Life
- 6 occasion gifts/yr — the big 4 + 2 you choose
- 8 surprise drops
- As many f**k up claims as you need
- Premium gifts & experiences
- Exclusive access to special promotions
Big husband energy. You're not f**king around. (But she will — with you.)
The Math
Divorce: $15,000+ in lawyers. Plus half your stuff.
File as many f**k up claims as you need — but if you're apologizing every month, we may have to revoke your plan and send you to a couples therapist.
Every plan includes exclusive content.
Gift examples
For the big occasions (birthday, anniversary, Valentine's, the holidays), she might get something like:
Things she unwraps
Tasteful jewelry, accessories that match her style (a cashmere scarf — 'cashmere' is a fancy fabric, genius — sunglasses she'd actually wear), kitchen gear she'll love if she likes to cook.
Experiences
A spa morning while you're shanking it on the back nine, tickets to the show she'd truly enjoy and you'll suck it up to see, a couples wine tasting. And no, dragging her to Fast & Furious 27 doesn't count.
Handled for her
A cleaning service before her parents visit, a private chef for date night, her car detailed without her asking twice. You'd be surprised how far these go.
For the surprise drops in between — the stuff that keeps her feeling thought-of all year, and that you literally never think of — she might get:
a succulent for her deska silk pillowcasethe peony hand soap (it's flower speak for 'expensive')her favorite coffee order on your way home from work
(And when you f**k up — inevitable — the apology's already handled.)
Every plan's gifts are better than anything you'd manage on your own — and the higher the tier, the more premium they get — all hand-picked for her and handled for you.
You just get the credit.
Satisfaction Guaranteed
If she doesn't like a gift, we'll send you a replacement and a 6-pack of beer (or N/A beer). Yes, really.
FAQ
Everything you're too proud to ask. We answered anyway.